Perplexed

All my life,I wanted to run away from the people who have nailed me under their scrutinizing eyes. I wanted to break free and be myself. I wanted to puff and gulp and fly to some ass kickin rave party with no curfew and restrictions. I wanted to find myself and along the way, embrace d changes that it’ll bring me. I wanted to see another view of the world, inhale a different kind of air (if that’s possible), feel a new heat of the sun…it seems that I’m asking for too much huh? But hey, can’t I?

From the time I had full understanding of the things around me, I vowed to myself that wherever may life takes me, I won’t ever forget where I came from and that I will take full responsibility of my actions. I don’t want to put my future and my family’s reputation in jeopardy. I know my limitations and I’m taking hold of it. Isn’t this enough as a guarantee?

You see, as much as possile, I am training my mind and my heart not to expect a lot from the people around me. But until now, I’m having difficulty on that part. I always expect things to happen even if it’s way impossible, that’s why I always end up hurting myself.

I just want to be happy. Feel what real joy feels like.

Is that too much to ask for?

Sometimes, I feel really pathetic. Like now, it breaks me.

I wish this dilemma of mine will end…

The question is: How?

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