MIRROR, MIRROR ON THE WALL… WHY ARE YOU HIDING FROM YOUR OWN SHADOW?

Will someone please give me a good reason why a person have to hide himself/herself from his/her mirror…

Tell me, what do you see that you don’t wanna be seen lookin at it? Will your reflection show who you really are inside?

If yes, do you think the world will hate you for that? Again, if your answer is yes…then you might have blinded your own eyes with your own hands and because of other people’s doing. Your vision has deteriorated. Your hearing has degenerated. Your heart has weakened. And your mind has been blocked. You just see what you want your eyes to see. Same goes with what you hear, think, and feel. What has gotten into you? Why are you holding back? Why can’t you let it loose and release everything so that all will flow at its rightful path and that good circulation will resume? Don’t you want to be replenished and renewed? Don’t you want a life free of toxins and clots? I’m sure you do. Then why are you keeping everything?! Why do you have to camouflage yourself?! What’s the reason behind the mimicry?? Why can’t you just show yourself and face everything? Why can’t you just be honest with yourself and confront whatever specific part of your system you have concerns of? Why do you have to resist the intervention which is offered to you? Why do you have to keep distance and pretend that nothing’s wrong? Don’t you want to be mended? How long will you stay this way? Why do you still need to hurt yourself and the people around you? Is that a compensatory mechanism? Or does that make you feel better? Why won’t you let anyone in? What are you so afraid of? Are you scared that something new will enter in your system and it will take over something so precious to you? Or shall I say it will change the course of your circulation? What will it cause you then? Your senses? Your heart and mind? Or your whole life?

Why won’t you try, to risk and take chances? After all, it’s something NEW. It has its own unique characteristics and properties. Don’t you know that you’re not the only one gambling here? So what if it will bring you changes? Is it not the most stable thing in this world?

Inevitably… I believe it is. Agree? Then why are you trying to, as if, control everything? Hey, you’re not God… Then what’s  all the rigid guarding all about? DO you think noone will notice and find out what you’ve been intentionally doing all along??? What do you think of me then…blind? deaf? mute? dumb? numb? Haha.. C’mon..Naiveness are only for toddlers! Let’s not fool one another. So cut the crap, will you? You should always bear in mind that in every disease, there’s always an end in the incubation period and prodromal stage will always follow. No matter how good you are in hiding, you can’t change the fact that time will come, manifestations will show. Pathognomonic signs will be elicited. Cardinal symptoms will be more prominent.

Now… are you becoming LETHARGIC?

Well let me have an example as a stimuli for you to be mesmerized: NO MATTER HOW YOU TRY TO IMPOSE THE INVISIBILITY MODE, still, someone will know that you’re around.^^M Instinct??? Nah… substantial evidence is more like it. Now… are you conscious? So, tell me, when will you stop running away? When it has already killed every breath of life in you??? Or hen it has already drained evry energy in that something NEW??? Remember, it has also its own life and we all know that nothing lives forever. Everything has its own lifespan. ALPHA PHI OMEGA?^^M 

Hey.. I’m not trying to add insut to injury here. In fact, I’m your #1 advocate!^^M I just want to help in restoring your OLOF (Optimum Level Of Functioning). I want you to reach the resolution stage and not merely the convalescence. For that to happen, I need your trust and full cooperation. I need your heart valves to open so that proper cure may be given. Please don’t resist and become latent for it will only make things worse. If you are still in doubt of my sterility… I mean sincerity ~,~ … then you may take the necessary standard precautions as you please. I won’t deprive you of that. It’s your right and privelege to protect yourself from being contaminated. Just remember the basic principles in this continuum…

In this life, you can never do away with antigens. They’re all around us. The environment is their reservoir. They’re just waiting for you to be susceptible so that they can enter your fortress, invade you, and eventually corrupt your whole system. But that’s why I’m here for you! I’ll be your immunoglobulin, your T-Cell, your macrophage, your fibrin, and even your Vitamin C! I’ll boost you in every way I can and I’ll try to repair all the bleeding part and seal it so that there will be no possible portal of entry. In that way, you won’t get vulnerable to them. ^^M  One more thing that you should remember is that, not all microorganisms in your ecosystem is harmful. Some might even be beneficial to you. They’re called your normal flora.^^M They’re your FRIENDS. They help synthesize you into a better person. Just don’t try to displace them from their normal habitat inside your system, because you might regret it when that happens:-) Let not opportunistic microorganisms fool and trick you too! They are rampant. You may not notice their presence, but they also live within your circle.You might only know their true colors when they have already suffocated your airsacs with their filthy, mucus-secreting properties. And before you know it… they have already obstructed your airway.

Now… AM I MAKING SENSE HERE???!!!

Pathophysiologically and practically speaking, I have done all I can to relate, connect, and communicate what I needed to say.^^M It is up to you now to decide if you will approve this informed consent. No actions will be taken without your consent for this is an invasive procedure.

If you will WILL it, you will find a way…^^M

You know how to contact your nurse:-)

R.S.V.P. ^^M Peace!

I HAD ENOUGH…

Amf..pinagtutulungan ba ako ng mundo???!!

I’m not feeling well na nga tapos eto pa kau, tadtarin ako ng mga walang kewnta nyong mga kaepalan!!!

WHY IS IT THAT MOST OF YOU EXPECT SO MUCH FROM ME WHEN HERE I AM, TRYING MY VERY BEST NOT TO??!!!!!!

For once naman, wag kayong maging selfish!

I’m doing you a favor na nga tapos kayo pa ang may ganang dramahan ako?!!!!

Kumusta naman yun…

Geez… pasensya na pero naiiritate lang talaga ang mga nerve endings ko at medyo grabe na ang prostaglandin at lactic acid accumulation!

Pota!

IMAGINE??!!!

I already wholeheartedly made my part…but for some reason na hindi naging maganda ang ung turn-out, e ako pa ngayon yung mag-a-adjust?? ANO TO? Feel nyo lang??? Dahil sa di nyo nakuha yung gusto nyo e ako ngayon ang magsa-suffer?! Kasalanan ko ba yun na nagkaproblema??? Napakaselfish naman nyan…GROW UP!!!! Por que mabait ako at pinagbibigyan ko kayo, it doesn’t mean it’s okay! HELLOOO??!!

TAO KA BA???!!!

Kasi kung OO,e di sana man lang..naisip mo yung mararamdaman ko! Grabe…How insensitive people have become nowadays. Sana nakakatulog kayo sa mga pinaggagagawa nyo…

JUST DON’T RETURN THE FAVOR TO ME…

Thanks, but I don’t need that. Kalahati lang ang kaya kong ibigay…ang kulang…kayo nalang ang magpuno.

I’m sorry…but I don’t live to please you all.

I’m just me. C "Mai" lang ako… at wala akong special powers to cater all your f*ckin demands and expectations..

AND THAT’S ALL I CAN EVER BE.

Love me.. hate me.. judge me.. persecute me..

But that’s something that you can NEVER be. Hindi lang sa inyo nakaikot ang mundo ko…I won’t let anyone of you stain me… not in another lifetime. So if you don’t like me? FINE! Leave as you please… I don’t need self-centered, immature jerks in my life.

GOOD RIDDANCE!!!!

MAGMA and LAVA….

BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!

ya… a total bullshit!

Excuse me for this. But I just want to unleash this f****n pressure and burnin steam inside me..damn..it’ll kill me if I won’t..

I’m gettin fed up…

So sick… and gettin tired…the hell!!!!!!!

WHY CAN’T YOU JUST SHOOOOOO ME AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DARNNNNNNN it!

This really freaks me out…..demmet….

I don’t know what to feel anymore…………………..

I’M ANGRY! I WANNA CRY! I FEEL FUTILE! I FEEL USELESS!

IT’S LIKE I DON’T HAVE MY WORTH!!!!!!!!

WTF?!!!!!

I don’t know when this will end….

I don’t know what to think anymore….

IS THIS DONE ON PURPOSE>????<

WHAT THE HECK IS THE PROBLEM?!!!!

If there is…….. HELL……..

Don’t you have the ***** to tell me?!!!!!!!!

What are you so scared of??????????!

It is really breaking my heart….

Tearin me apart….

I just hope it won’t reach my limit….

I just hope that this won’t turn to HATE…

I don’t wanna regret a thing or two here…

But please… for pete’s sake…

Don’t make me do such…

now.. lemme calm myself…

*breathe in …breathe out*

SORRY for the ACID RAIN…

It fell because the sky can no longer handle its heaviness…~.~

Im becoming ATTENUATED>~.~<…

Soon…if no intervention will be given…

I might lyse….and necrotize….T_T

…IS THE ABSENCE OF SIGNS A SIGN? -Serendipity

Last night…

I don’t know what exactly to do just to get myself to sleep.

I just finished talkin to my friend via text and as usual, they can’t stand staying up late just to hear my woes in life…

I badly needed someone to talk to, coz I don’t wanna be heard talkin to myself..haha! Darn…I kinda noticed these past few days that it’s making me a "schitz!" 0_o

Horrible…Terrible… Petrified…Mortified…by whom? tsk..

So I turned the lights off… I don’t want the lights to see me cry.. I want the dark to engulf me so that I could no longer be seen…

I thought of talkin to HIM was the only way to ease everythin..

"Please… I’m confused… If this is what you will for me, then give me a sign…"

*tooootooooooot!*

*tooootooooooot!*

2 messages received…

OMG! WTH?

2 SAME MESSAGES from 2 DIFFERENT PERSONS???

And I don’t know if this is just a coincidence but…

"When your feelings get to strong for someone, it is always wise to stop for a while and give your heart a time to breathe, a time to use your mind, to weigh the situation based on reason, and not on emotion…"

NOW how’s that huh???

INSTANT?!

Amazing!

^^M Peace

~Blue’s Clues~

Karma…? so funny mai..0_o

I just thought of this last night when I was browsing my phone because as usual, I’m having my insomnia attack (what’s new mai?^^)!

Before, I used to be the idealist. My sister is the primary witness of my idealism. haha!

You see… the height of my sister’s lovelife dilemma came during her HS years. She was like crying every night then.

Ako naman… si magaling na kapatid..(hahaha!) I became her ego booster! I was 1st year HS that time…

"Ne, lalaki lang yan! Sayang lang luha mo…Tsaka ano ba naman yang taste mo…wala bang ibang mas matino jan?"

Errr…*goosebumps*

NOW…

She’s the one laughin at me… even my bes Ara..haha!

They’re all laughin at me coz I’m the one who’s in the hotseat now…^^M

They’re all like..

"Ngayon alam mo na Sis kung ano pinagdaanan ko dati..Akala mo madali ha? haha! Ayan kasi…" <-Ate

"Loka,natawa ako, ayaw mo na maniwala sakin na talagang mahal ko na si Miko pero ikaw ngayon..tingnan mo!" ^^ <–sowee bes, I have to post your text…hehe

HAHAHA!

What goes around, comes around…What goes up,must come down??? That’s KARMA baby…and it goes around^^

Ya ya ya… I know… kahit ako nga natatawa na lang…

BILOG nga ANG MUNDO! ^^,<

Thank you for the support and advices.. love y’all! *mwah*

DID U EVER RISK SOMETHING IN UR LIFE???

iT iS aLwAyS a RiSk tO LoVe sOmEoNe

aNd iT iNvOLvEs TiMe, PaTiEnCe, aNd uNdErsTanDiNg

tO gEt sOmEoNe’S hEaRt tO oPeN uP.

At TiMeS, iT wILL wOrK.

OtHeR TiMeS, iT wOn’T.

BuT tHaT’s wHy yOu CaLL iT a RISK.

YoU iNvEsT iN sOmEtHiNg

aNd tHeRe’S NO POSSIBILITY tHaT yOu wiLL WiN.

HoWeVeR, yOu sTiLL  gEt sOmEtHiNg iN rEtUrN.

The STRENGTH OF HEART

and the ASSURANCE

that you won’t have ANY REGRETS for NOT TRYING. ^^M

Something to ponder on…

In order for you to be truly happy with other people…

You have to learn first how to be contented and happy being alone. 

It’s only when you become in touch with yourself that you realize how important it is to be a WHOLE PERSON…

before SHARING your life with someone else! ^^M

r u synthetic?

Some won’t appreciate what I say or do here.

But as long as I speak honestly from my heart, I know I’ll be fine.

I know this is not a perfect world, nor a perfect life.

But I believe that LIFE loves a person who dares to live it by being REAL.

^^M Peace!

1st Day…

Weird. Queer.

I woke up this morning feeling so diferrent.

Alien? ^^M  tsk…LOL

It’s like something has been pull out from my system.

It’s like my circulation is doing great. NAKS! ^_^

Just try to imagine your blood freely moving in your vessels with no roaming thrombi nor emboli that will clogged up your pathway…

It’s like my myocardium was in a good condition today because it seems that oxygen is being distributed well in my system by my RBC’s. How did I know? Well, I can think clearly. (A good sign!) It means, oxygenated blood has reached my brain and has passed through my blood-brain barrier with no hassle. Im not sighing anymore. (Another improvement!) No labored breathing whatsoever.^^<

Hey! Nothing’s happening to me pathologically speaking alright? haha!

I just want to say that there’s no current hypoxia nor anoxia occuring in my system. And even if I had not taken my dinner last night, still my brain’s not yet glucose-deficient. Well, I think I have stocked a lot of glycogen in my liver.haha!

And mind you, no lactic acid has been accumulating. haha! If you know the effect of lactic acid in your heart… then you’ll know what I mean..^_^

Hmm..what else?

Ah! The serotonin level in my brain is quite high..but still within the normal range..^_^ Oops! I didn’t eat chocolates nor took Prozac..weh >,<

The feeling’s so light.

It’s like nothing complicates me.

So free…

Like the breeze that has blown my hair when I peeped at the window.

Now… this is what it feels like LIVING…

and NOT merely EXISTING.

See the difference???

This is life Mai…^^M Peace!

STARTING ANEW…

Today…

Is a new day for me. A day when I vowed to myself that I will set the record straight in my life and accept things which I can’t change. Letting go of things which you can’t have may not be easy, but a challenge that we all need to overcome. I said I am not a quitter. Well, unless you give me a reason to. But I am not blaming anyone here because I don’t  give up just because of someone else’s doing. This is MAI decision. I gave up because reality finally hit me. And realizations are the best eye-opener in this life. Everything has its limit. Everything has its rightful end. Human, as I am, gets tired and weary. Nevertheless, God has given me the knowledge to change the things that I can, which, I will give more focus on. I’m just praying that He will give me the wisdom to know the difference.

TOMORROW…

I don’t know what is instore for me tomorrow or the day after. Life goes on for me. It will always will. I have been through a lot of tough times in my life.

And this won’t knock me off my feet.^^M

LIFE is indeed clever. Tests just come in our lives in the most unexpected moments. We just need to be ready for it. We don’t need to have all the answers on our hands. We just need to have a clear, sound mind to be able to come up with a fair judgment, and a prepared heart to be able to accept whatever the turn out will be.

I have given my all. I am thankful for whatever I have received. I don’t ask for an extra nor expect for somethin in return.

EVERYTHING’S uncertain and changes will be enevitable.

ONE thing’s for sure…

I WILL BECOME STRONGER than yesterday. BOLDER than before.

"THANK YOU for whatever contribution you have given."

^^M PEACE!